60+ Lofty Golf Puns That Are a Putt Above
Golf puns and jokes are part of the fabric of the game. Whether you need a good belly laugh, dad joke, or a pun to describe your favorite hack, here are over 60 golf puns and jokes that are a putt above the rest.
Golf Puns
- You are my cup of tee
- Nice shot, shankapotamus
- I golf you on my mind
- You drive me crazy
- If you golf on election day, make sure to cast an absent-tee-ballot.
- Who’s your caddy?
- Address the ball. Hello, ball!
- Putter late than never
- You’re the best, by par
- May the course be with you
- I’m not really that bad at putting, I just can’t catch a break.
- Golf is an expensive way of playing marbles.
- Un-fore-gettable, in every way
- You are tee-riffic
- Down putt not out
- This guy spends more time in the sand than David Hasselhoff
- Swingin’ in the rain
- I like big putts and I cannot lie
- It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do
- Careful there, putter fingers
- Everybody trap your hands
- Green and bear it
- Good times as par as the eye can see
- Let’s get this par-tee started
- Having a rough time
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- Green there, done that
- To tee or not to tee
- Golf forth, and prosper
- No ifs, ands or putts
- Over the hills and fore away
- This is all fore the best
- Let it tee
- Catch me riding birdie
- It’s ball or nothing
- Care fore a spot of tee?
- Fore-get me nots
- Asking fore a friend
- Stay humble and put your eagle aside
- A chip off the old block
- What a load of trap
Golf Jokes
What do you call a wizard that can turn himself into a golf club? Harry Putter.
Golfer: I would move both heaven and earth to get a birdie today.
Caddie: Try heaven. You’ve moved most of the earth already today.
A friend of Henry’s dies suddenly. A week later, he comes back to tell his friend how great Heaven is.
“Henry,” he says, “you won’t believe it, but there is golf in Heaven.”
“That is wonderful!” Henry replies.
“Don’t be so happy,” his friend says. “You have a tee time scheduled for Saturday.”
What do golfers do on their days off? Putter around.
Bob was playing a round of golf with the club pro one day and after 18 holes they went into the clubhouse. Bob asked the pro: “What do you think of my game?”
The pro replied: “You should shorten your clubs by 1 inch.”
Bob asked if the pro thought this would help his game.
To which the pro said, “No! It will help them fit in the trash can!"
In golf, some people tend to get confused with all the numbers. They shoot a “six”, yell “fore”, and write “five”.
Wife: “You spend far too much time concentrating on golf! Do you even remember the day we got engaged?”
Husband: “Sure I do. It was the same day I shot even par.”
Two couples were enjoying a competitive, best-ball match. Wives against husbands with the losers buying lunch and a libation. On the final hole, the match was all even and one of the wives had a long, breaking, 15-foot putt to win the match. She lined the ball up carefully and confidently stroked the winning putt. Unfortunately, it stopped three inches short of the hole.
Her husband, laughing, said, “Right train, wrong ticket.”
The wife failed to see the humor and not cracking a smile replied, “No sleeper cars on that train either.”
In primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground with clubs and yelled, it was called witchcraft; today, in civilized society, it's called golf.
Why do golfers always carry a spare pair of trousers with them? In case they get a hole in one.
An American went to Scotland and played golf with a newly acquainted Scottish golfer. After a bad tee shot, he played a mulligan which was an extremely good one. He then asked the Scottish, “What do you call a Mulligan in Scotland?”
“We call it 3.”
There’s no game like golf: you go out with three friends, play eighteen holes, and return with three enemies.
When is it too wet to play golf? When your golf cart capsizes.
Arnold Palmer is playing in a big tournament and comes to a 235 yard par-3.
After some deliberation, he takes out his 3-iron and sails the ball 20 feet over the pin, and backs it up to within three feet of the pin.
A fan in the crowd said “Mr. Palmer, how do you make a 3-iron back up like that?”
Mr. Palmer replied, “Do you own a 3-iron?”
The fan said, “Yes, sir I do.”
“How far do you hit it?” said Palmer. "About 160 yards," the fan replied.
Palmer calmly said, “What the hell do you want it to back up for?”
“I once played a course that was so tough, I lost two balls in the ball washer!”
After a poor round, a golfer spotted a lake as he walked up the 18th hole.
He looked at his caddie and said, “I’ve played so badly all day, I think I’m going to drown myself in that lake.”
The caddie, replied, “I’m not sure you could keep your head down that long.”
There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly, or start cheating.
Golf was once a rich man’s sport, but now it has millions of poor players.
Golf is a lot like taxes. You go for the green and come out in the hole.
A golfer was having a terrible round. When his caddie then coughed as he steadied himself over a 12-inch putt on the 10th, he lost it.
“You’ve got to be the worst caddie in the world!” he yelled.
“I doubt it,” replied the caddie. “That would be too much of a coincidence."
Why did Tarzan spend so much time at the golf course? He was perfecting his swing.
How many golfers does it take to change a lightbulb? Fore!
One day a player asked his coach: “What is going wrong with my game?”
“You’re standing too close to the ball after you’ve hit it.”
A golfer standing at a tee overlooking a river sees a couple of fishermen and says to his partner, “Look at those two idiots fishing in the rain.”
What’s the easiest shot in golf? Your fourth putt.
Golfer to caddie: “Why do you keep looking at your watch? I find it very distracting.”
Caddie: “It’s not a watch, sir – it’s a compass.”
Why do golfers hate cake? Because they might get a slice.
What did one golf ball say to another golf ball? See you ’round.
Where can you find 100 doctors all at the same place on any given day? A golf course!
What is a golfer’s favorite drink? Tee.
Golf balls are like eggs. They’re white, sold by the dozen, and a week later you have to buy more.
Two golfers are ready to play on the 12th hole as a funeral cortege passes by. The first player stops, doffs his cap, and bows his head as the cortege passes.
“That was a really nice thing to do,” the second golfer says.
“Well, it’s only right,” the first golfer replies. “I was married to her for 35 years.”