101 Lofty Golf Puns & Jokes That Are a Putt Above Golflink.com

Golf puns and jokes are part of the fabric of the game. Whether you need a good belly laugh, dad joke, or a pun to describe your favorite hack, here are 101+ golf puns and jokes that are a putt above the rest.

Tee-rific Puns

You are my cup of tee
Let it tee
Care fore a spot of tee?
To tee or not to tee
Tee-rific things are happening
It’s par-tee time
It's a tee-lightful day

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Fore-ever Clever

Fore-get me nots
Over the hills and fore away
Asking fore a friend
This is all fore the best
Golf forth and prosper
Fore-ever yours
Brace yourself fore impact
Love you fore-ever and always

Best Puns By Par

Good times as par as the eye can see
Par for the course
Above par performance
Let's get this par-tee started
Just trying to par-ticipate
It's a par-adox — I golf better drunk
You’re the best, by par

Putting Around

Putter late than never
I like big putts and I cannot lie
No ifs, ands or putts
Down putt not out
Putt your mind to it
Putting up with a lot
Careful there, putter fingers
Don’t putt all your eggs in one basket

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Birdie, Bogey, and Beyond

Catch me riding birdie
Stay humble and put your eagle aside
That bogey really ruffled my feathers
It’s not the eagle, it’s how you fly
Asking fore a friend
Stay humble and put your eagle aside
A chip off the old block
What a load of trap

Sand Trap Shenanigans

This guy spends more time in the sand than David Hasselhoff
Everybody trap your hands
What a load of trap
Beach, please, I’m in the bunker again
Sand-wedged again!

More Golf Jokes & Puns

You drive me crazy
Address the ball. Hello, ball!
May the course be with you
I golf you on my mind
Nice shot, shankapotamus
Who’s your caddy?
It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do
Swingin’ in the rain
Golf is an expensive way of playing marbles
I’m not really that bad at putting, I just can’t catch a break
Having a rough time
Green and bear it
Green there, done that
A chip off the old block
It’s ball or nothing
If you golf on election day, make sure to cast an absent-tee-ballot
Un-fore-gettable, in every way
Iron-y at its finest
Just winging it
Hole lotta love
Slice, slice baby
Grip it and rip it
Fairway to heaven
Keep calm and golf on
Whack-a-ball therapy

Golf Jokes

Q: What do you call a wizard that can turn himself into a golf club?
A: Harry Putter.

Golfer: I would move both heaven and earth to get a birdie today.
Caddie: Try heaven. You’ve moved most of the earth already today.

Golf in Heaven
A friend of Henry’s dies suddenly. A week later, he comes back to tell his friend how great Heaven is.

“Henry,” he says, “you won’t believe it, but there is golf in Heaven.”

“That is wonderful!” Henry replies.

“Don’t be so happy,” his friend says. “You have a tee time scheduled for Saturday.”

Q: What do golfers do on their days off?
A: Putter around.

Cut to the Core
Bob was playing a round of golf with the club pro one day and after 18 holes they went into the clubhouse. Bob asked the pro: “What do you think of my game?”

The pro replied: “You should shorten your clubs by 1 inch.”

Bob asked if the pro thought this would help his game.

To which the pro said, “No! It will help them fit in the trash can!"

Numbers Game
In golf, some people tend to get confused with all the numbers. They shoot a “six”, yell “fore”, and write “five”.

Wife: “You spend far too much time concentrating on golf! Do you even remember the day we got engaged?”
Husband: “Sure I do. It was the same day I shot even par.”

Pressure Putt
Two couples were enjoying a competitive, best-ball match. Wives against husbands with the losers buying lunch and a libation. On the final hole, the match was all even and one of the wives had a long, breaking, 15-foot putt to win the match. She lined the ball up carefully and confidently stroked the winning putt. Unfortunately, it stopped three inches short of the hole.

Her husband, laughing, said, “Right train, wrong ticket.”

The wife failed to see the humor and not cracking a smile replied, “No sleeper cars on that train either.”

Then & Now
In primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground with clubs and yelled, it was called witchcraft; today, in civilized society, it's called golf.

Q: Why do golfers always carry a spare pair of trousers with them?
A: In case they get a hole in one.

Scottish Scoring
An American went to Scotland and played golf with a newly acquainted Scottish golfer. After a bad tee shot, he played a mulligan which was an extremely good one. He then asked the Scottish, “What do you call a Mulligan in Scotland?”

“We call it 3.”

Friends
There’s no game like golf: you go out with three friends, play eighteen holes, and return with three enemies.

Q: When is it too wet to play golf?
A: When your golf cart capsizes.

Back That Thing Up
Arnold Palmer is playing in a big tournament and comes to a 235 yard par-3.

After some deliberation, he takes out his 3-iron and sails the ball 20 feet over the pin, and backs it up to within three feet of the pin.

A fan in the crowd said “Mr. Palmer, how do you make a 3-iron back up like that?”

Mr. Palmer replied, “Do you own a 3-iron?”

The fan said, “Yes, sir I do.”

“How far do you hit it?” said Palmer. "About 160 yards," the fan replied.

Palmer calmly said, “What the hell do you want it to back up for?”

Rinse & Repeat
“I once played a course that was so tough, I lost two balls in the ball washer!”

Head Down
After a poor round, a golfer spotted a lake as he walked up the 18th hole.

He looked at his caddie and said, “I’ve played so badly all day, I think I’m going to drown myself in that lake.”

The caddie, replied, “I’m not sure you could keep your head down that long.”

3 Lessons
There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly, or start cheating.

For Richer, For Poorer
Golf was once a rich man’s sport, but now it has millions of poor players.

Golf & Taxes
Golf is a lot like taxes. You go for the green and come out in the hole.

Coincidence?
A golfer was having a terrible round. When his caddie then coughed as he steadied himself over a 12-inch putt on the 10th, he lost it.

“You’ve got to be the worst caddie in the world!” he yelled.

“I doubt it,” replied the caddie. “That would be too much of a coincidence."

Q: Why did Tarzan spend so much time at the golf course?
A: He was perfecting his swing.

Q: How many golfers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Fore!

Posture Problem
One day a player asked his coach: “What is going wrong with my game?”

“You’re standing too close to the ball after you’ve hit it.”

Fishing in the Rain
A golfer standing at a tee overlooking a river sees a couple of fishermen and says to his partner, “Look at those two idiots fishing in the rain.”

Q: What’s the easiest shot in golf?
A: Your fourth putt.

Golfer to caddie: “Why do you keep looking at your watch? I find it very distracting.”
Caddie: “It’s not a watch, sir – it’s a compass.”

Q: Why do golfers hate cake?
A: Because they might get a slice.

Q: What did one golf ball say to another golf ball?
A: See you ’round.

Q: Where can you find 100 doctors all at the same place on any given day?
A: A golf course!

Q: What is a golfer’s favorite drink?
A: Tee.

Cheaper by the Dozen
Golf balls are like eggs. They’re white, sold by the dozen, and a week later you have to buy more.

The Right Thing to Do
Two golfers are ready to play on the 12th hole as a funeral cortege passes by. The first player stops, doffs his cap, and bows his head as the cortege passes.

“That was a really nice thing to do,” the second golfer says.

“Well, it’s only right,” the first golfer replies. “I was married to her for 35 years.”