Today (Saturday) was the Christmas CompFinal & I had been told I was to be1st Reserve, so should anyone scratch I would take their place. 
The evening before, I was abusing my liver with Vic, imbibing off our usual tipple (Glayva).  We had managed to remove the contents from one bottle and begin to start on the next when Vic decided it was time to go home (he won a place in the above comp).  As he walked home he resembled a sailor struggling to find his footing after losing his "Sea-legs".  I thought it only prudent to retire to bed and the comforting arms of my dearwife.

Along came this morning and as I looked out the window I understood what theWeather Girl had said "Very Windy with intervals of Rain from theWest".  It didn't look inviting at all. 
The 1st group were due to go off at 10.30 so I phoned the club to ask if I was playing, no one scratched.  I was surprised considering the forecast.  I had decided to go along at 10.15 just in case.  I could always sit in the clubhouse bar (with a coffee) and see the lads off.  On my arrival, I was told I would be in the group leaving at 11.30.  That would give me time for a hearty breakfast.  I looked on the Match board and found I would be playing with Vic & another guy.  I phoned him to break the news onlyto find he has also scratched saying he was feeling a bit unwell. Despite what you might think, I didn’t knobble him. 

I made myself known to James my partner forthe comp and we duly marched over to the 1st Tee.  We both had that many layers of clothing on that we looked to have gained 20 pounds in an hour.  Such was the weather.  Our course is links and as such is right on the coast (one of the longest bunkers is the shore to the left of the fairway, runs from the 1st to the 3rd hole) and is open fully to the elements.  We made the customary pleasantries of wishing each other well and then spent the next 3 holes griping about the conditions.  Then again, they are the same for everyone on the day. 

I made a steady start and was very pleased with myself until I came to the 6th, then the “Golf Gods” took their pound of flesh, I carded a 9 after blasting my tee shot out of bounds, my game became regimental, Left Right Left Right. Eventually I putted out and began cursing the weather, light, ground,clubs, even the local wildlife.   

This was my card:

Hole          1   2   3   4   5   6  7   8   9   10   11  12   13   14   15   16   17   18   Total
Par            4   4   4  4   3   4   4   3   4     4     4    4     4     3     4     4     3     4       68
Score        5   4   5   5   4   9  5   5   4     5     5    5     5     4     5     5     4     3       87

 With my handicap of 20, my score was a Net67.  The winner carded a Net 64, second had a Net67, I finished 3rd on count-back and was well pleased.

Not bad as I was only 1st reserve,  I thought it only proper to thank the “GolfGods” for their understanding, one shabby hole I can put up with if I get such a good result.